Grim dating up North?

Ask me anything   20-something lady from North West of England, servicing the men of Manchester and Liverpool with my dating antics....

twitter.com/grimdatingupnw:

    8. In which I am FREAKED OUT.

    OK. Something really weird happened the other day.

    I freaked out for a while, then realised it was just a very strange coincidence.

    My ex re-added me on Facebook. I say re-added because after the brief period of time we were together, the reason we broke up was because he needed to ‘sort his head out’, he deleted me out of his online life and got with a tiny blonde girl.  Without a word.

    I proceeded to forget about him, dick. But he was always there because he kept my best friend for years and would talk to her all. The. Time. Said friend is no longer a friend because of many reasons – I’m sure you can tell what kind of person she was for not instantly siding with her best friend.

    So, suddenly he re-added me. And because I’m a nosy bitch I accepted, I had absolutely no intention of letting this horrible guy back into my life. I’ll admit I was hoping for a conversation where I could show off about my fabulous life and how GREAT I’M DOING, but I am human.

    I scrolled quite far down his timeline because I was nosing at his last girlfriend, and yes I do know how sad that is, but I got a way down and there, one of my ex’s girl mates had posted a picture OF J. MY J. J I’VE BEEN DATING. And on it she wrote ‘Look A, it’s your twin!’ WHAT THE FUCK. How has this happened? One, J looks nothing like my ex as my ex is ugly as hell, and two, the picture was his off the dating website; what sort of crazy girl posts pictures of other people on Facebook? What a weirdo!

    I freaked out and had to phone my bezzie to share my terrified emotions, HOW THE HELL HAS THIS HAPPENED, WHAT ARE THE CHANCES?!

    No way am I telling J that I was stalking my ex, but do I warn him some crazy girl’s posting his photo? Hmmm. I don’t want to come across as a crazy.

    In conclusion, my ex annoyed me so much talking publically to my ex-bezzie that I’ve deleted him again, so no worries about that happening.  

    — 2 years ago
    #dating  #single  #foreveralone  #drama  #personal 
    7. - In which I am a bit bowled over.

    Sorry for the lack of update, I have had an immensely heavy weekend with birthdays and festivals and so I have literally just got to sit down!

    So, I wasn’t really looking forward to this date with J when it boiled down to it, but due to all the build up and banter we’d had I figured I owed it to my invested time to at least see if the guy was the sleaze he was turning out to be in my head.

    So we’d agreed to meet at a bar in a trendy part of Manchester. This was the day before. (He’d also offered to pick me up in his car again but that is not happening! I made some excuse about having to deliver something to my mates so I was off the hook.) The day of, I like to send the ‘are we still on for today’ text, just in case, you never know. He didn’t reply. I got ready anyway and settled down with a drink so I could carry on with my flatmates if he let me down, which I was fully expecting him to at this point.

    Onto my second drink I still hadn’t heard from him, so I just sent a ‘Erm hi I feel like I’m hassling you a bit here but are we still meeting?’

    He text back saying he was on his way in his car. Bugger. I literally flew out of the house, praying there was a bus around, but luckily got there just after he did. I stood outside to text him, I’m such a wimp entering bars on my own, but before I can send it he’s zipped out the bar and pulled me in for a hug. Oooh this is nice, I like a man that can hold his own. We grab drinks, he pays, and settle down for a chat. He’s very good looking and polite (not what I was expecting) and tallllll and we have so much in common! He pokes a little fun at me but takes it quite well when I give it back, which I like.

    He’s driving so he only has one drink, and after my two accidental cans and another pint I’m feeling too happy for my liking on a first date so I promise myself I’ll slow down. I’m also mooning over him a bit too much. And I’m a big believer that you can have too much of good thing AND there is such thing as too good to be true.

    He smokes so we go outside a few times and as were in a up-and-coming area that’s still quite dodgy there’s a lot of homeless people that ask us for money. Around three times to be exact, which is quite awkward and scary.

    He was keen to move to another bar, which was pleasing to know that he was keen to not let it go stale. He reads books! Proper books! This never happens!

    We covered a lot of things that I never really talk about on a first date, like the fact I live with my stepdad not my dad, and our mutual love of Harry Potter. And he let me buy a round in the second bar which I really liked. We were there for around two and a half hours but it literally felt like nothing, he was really cool. He was the one who decided to get going and as I was feeling high on life – and the few drinks – I cheekily asked him for a lift, which never I would never do, but he seemed pretty chuffed (I think he’s a bit proud of his car hehe.)

    When we pulled up outside my house we exchanged pleasantries and I was peering at him a bit to see if I could gage what to do because I realllly fancied him, but in the end I offered a thank you and a ‘see ya’ and hopped out of the car.

    He wasn’t sure where he was going from mine so I text him half an hour later to check if he got back ok and he said basically that he was home and he was surprised to hear from me. When I asked why he said it was because there was no kiss, no hug goodbye. I basically told him I was an idiot and didn’t know if he wanted me to, and he basically said he was desperate to! SQEEUUAKKKKKKKK. But I am still being cautious.

    Who am I kidding. He is fit.

    Pointed moments of awkwardness:

    He nips off to the loo and I send a quick text to my pal as she knew how much I was worrying about what he was going to be like. He is already back just as I press send, so I stuff my phone hastily in my bag…and he laughs ‘Was that the safety text?’ he winks at me. I feel a bit embarrassed but stay defiant, ‘can you blame me?’ and we laugh. Phew.

    We go out so he can have a ciggie in the second bar and leave our coats on the chairs. When we get back the bar man has swiped our drinks away. We sit down and I  sidle a look at him because I’m not sure what to do but luckily the barman swoops over and is very apologetic and gets us new drinks for free. Woooo. This also explains my heightened alcohol consumption. 

    — 2 years ago
    #single  #dating  #foreveralone 
    beeesides-deactivated20130705 asked: Hello there, just wanted to say thanks for the follow and that I've just caught up on all six posts and think I shall enjoy reading about your dating antics very much! Bee :)


    Answer:

    thank you! I read your post on your last date and was chuckling to myself, thats what made me follow you haha guys are strange creatures!! 

    — 2 years ago
    6. in which a boy i’ve never met assumes he can come to my house.

    Been talking to another gentlemen for quite a while via text, which feels a lot more intimate than messaging on that god-awful website  that I’m beginning to hate. Which I’ve assumed is a normal thing from reading other dating blogs.

    He seems absolutely lovely, and a bit cheeky which I like, and which I think K lacks. I can’t do the straight up good-guy thing. I like them confident, but not cocky.

    Now, I was supposed to meet with him last week, the week I was meeting with K. I’ve never been a big P.I.M.P so I felt pretty weird dating two guys in one week. But after some reassurance from male friend C he assured me it would make me feel BAD (in the good way.)

    But I had a slight problem as he (let’s call him J) was only free the same day I was seeing K. Whoops.

    I was a bit gutted here because I was more excited to meet J. He is actually the definition of tall, dark and handsome, 6”3 and very good looking in a cute way, which I can handle. Drop dead gorgeous makes me nervous. And a car mechanic. Very very manly. Phwooarrrr.

    But alas, the text flirting carried on full force after I assured him I was still interested but busy and now he wants to meet up this week. I have no problem with this at all, but yesterday our texting took a worrying turn, which has put me off a tad.

    J : what do you want to do? Go for a drink or something? I’m not sure where you live is there anywhere half decent round yours?

    Me: yeah a drink sounds good, I live on the edge of Salford and there’s literally nowhere, I normally go into town but is that too far from you?

    J: it’s a bit far out yeah but I don’t mind if that’s what you want to do. I doubt you’d want to invite a stranger to your place.

    (ERM NO I DON’T. That is clearly another rule I’ll have to make clear, NO PERSONAL SPACE INVASIONS BY STRANGERS)

    Me: Are you sure? I don’t want to put you out :/

    J: Are you sure there’s nowhere near you? I can always pick you up and drive somewhere

    ( I am also not getting in a stranger’s car!! What on earth is wrong with this boy? I am swiftly changing my mind by this point)

    Me: there’s  literally only grotty pubs near me a bus takes me under 10 mins so it doesn’t put me off at all J

    J: to be honest id rather just bob round and watch a DVD or something but if that’s not an option grotty pubs will be fine

    I am very very put off and angry by this point. I don’t understand what a guy who says he’s  looking for a relationship is doing trying to bribe me to let him in my house when we first meet. How intrusive! HELLO HERE IS MY PERSONAL SPACE WELCOME MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME (?!)

    Me: well yeah I’d rather meet you somewhere. Sure you cant be tempted with town? Only 10 mins away and much nicer!

    (This is definitely not happening unless its on my terms. And to be honest, the pubs aren’t that bad but the only two I’d step in are a recent fling’s haunts. So that’s a no go)

    J: Sure town sounds fine, apologies for my forwardness I think subconsciously I was trying to avoid that nervous first meeting someone thing, it’ll be fine 

    Hmmmmm. If I was me a few years ago this would be a reasonable explanation and I would’ve ran along to meet him with no qualms. Lalalala. But in my head I’m now being very very cautious about this guy. I don’t think its anything sinister, but I definitely do not trust someone that I’ve never met that thinks its normal to come to my house and I’m not going to bat an eyelid!

    I’m unsure about this and don’t think I’m too bothered anymore. Sigh. 

    — 2 years ago with 1 note
    #single  #dating  #foreveralone  #UK 
    5. in which i am a bit hassled.

    About two years ago, I was dating this guy.

    That’s a lie. I was basically going to this guy’s flat and watching films and having sex with him. It wasn’t as seedy as it sounds! We got on really well and I felt really relaxed in his company.

    This went on for a while, it suited me because I was still in party mode then and didn’t want a relationship. We’d watch Will Smith and Jason Statham films, laugh, talk and have good sex and cuddle.

    I sort of knew something was going on. We had mutual friends and you always hear when things happen. I knew there was another girl but I accepted that I hadn’t mentioned a relationship, and I didn’t want one anyway, but it’s always a pretty horrible feeling knowing you’re not the only string to someone’s bow.

    He tried to tell me once, the last time we slept together actually, but I didn’t want to hear it. A few days later he was in relationship with a 6-foot-something hair model with no boobs and a pixie cut. I’ll point out this is the exact opposite of me, so as you imagine that made me feel CLASS.

    That was that. I’d see him around a few times and it was always slightly awkward, but civil, and by the next summer he’d moved back down South. He was boxed off, as I like to call it, and that suited me fine.

    But he liked to keep up to date with my life. All the time. Every few months he’d pop up with a ‘hi how are you?’ never seedy, never pushy. Every time I changed my number he’d find some way to get it.

     I’m making excuses here, I’d always give it to him. I’m not sure why, I like my men in compartments in my mind so I always know where I stand and when to forget about them. I don’t do messy relationships anymore, the few times I’ve tried it never worked out very well…

    Fast forward to present day. Last week I got drunk and had a bit of a freak out about being ‘forever alone’ and posted a very emo Facebook status. In my drunken mind I don’t know why that was a good idea, I usually save these things for Twitter, sigh. He text me that night to check I was ok, and now will. Not. Leave. Me. Alone.

    He’s still with that girl, and yet wants to go out with me. Just for a drink mind you but, do I really want to get mixed up in that? We all know what will happen after a few cocktails.

    He’s asked me to go down South to ‘watch Jason Statham films’ (cuuttteeee.) But I fobbed him off by saying it was a bit of a way to go just for a film.

    No dramas.

    The sex was always good though…

    — 2 years ago with 1 note
    #single  #dating  #personal 
    radfrankster asked: How did the date go!?


    Answer:

    I’m in the process of writing up as we speak ;) I’ll be seeing him again though i’ll give that much away :) 

    — 2 years ago
    4. date 1!

    Here we go. Write up of date number one!

    I was nervous about this whole meeting-a-stranger-to-see-if-love-will-blossom thing. So before D-Day I’d been texting K for around 48 hours non-stop, which is a big thing for me as I usually get bored and absent minded when texting. I’m crap at being the stereotypical crazy girl ‘Why aren’t you texting me back?! Where are you? What’re you doing? WHO ARE YOU WITH?!’ 

    So we agreed to meet at 1pm, this is nice because it means that if he’s a total weirdo then there will be less chance of me seeking help from another weirdo than there would have been at night.  

    I get the train to Manchester city centre. We’ve agreed to go to a nice cocktail bar that’s acceptably cheap and busy enough for it to not be awkward, but not so busy that we can’t hear each other speak.

    It’s a bit nerve-wracking walking into a bar and trying to spot someone, so we have arranged to meet outside a well-known supermarket just down the road beforehand. I get there first and find I’m in a bit of a flap stood there like a lemon at lunch time on a busy street. So I whip my phone out and round the  troops for some reassurance.

    I’ve had a bit of a to-do with one of my best friends from back home, S, about my gossipy mouth. So I send a rousing, emotive text begging for some help and she replies superbly with; ‘Just be yourself and he can’t not like you.’ Wooo, see, I am loveable.

    Texting my best guy mate, C, and he offers to ring me, then when I refuse because it would be seriously awkward if K turns up and I’m chatting away on the phone. He gives me some lovely advise about not ‘putting out’ tonight (sigh) before reassuring me I’ll be fine.

    Whilst I’m bolstering my courage it appears that K has sifted through the various office persons on their dinner breaks and is now stood right next to me, looking expectant and …nervous? He opens his mouth to speak and his voice shakes, yes, very nervous, more nervous than me in fact! He even stumbles on his words!

    Once we get into the bar he seems a bit more…straight laced than I thought. I kind of want another drink but a sideways glance at him and I wouldn’t be surprised if he opted for an earl gray. There’s nothing wrong with that, but dates are supposed to be…fun?

    I hazard the question but thankfully he has two beers because there’s a deal on. We locate a table downstairs and start to discuss life. I find out he still lives with his parents after finishing uni but has his own bathroom, so it’s kind of like having his own wing in the house. I go from smug about him living with his parents, to a bit taken aback. They clearly have money if they can afford an en-suite for him…and I am used to having none. I know this shouldn’t matter but it kind of does for a second? I’m clearly still learning important things about myself!

    I’m still quite taken aback by how shy he is. As he stumbles over his words again whilst going to order us some nachos (in his ‘likes’ section on his profile he had nachos. This is hilarious if you know me because it’s the main thing I order when going out to eat.) I again feel a bit smug with how relaxed I feel as opposed to him. He’s older, he approached me, he very simply just asked if I’d like to meet up, has met several other girls via dating websites already…this isn’t the guy I was expecting.

    As the date goes on we move to a museum (!!) and some underground dive of a bar which is my kind of place but only serves beer and cider. I opt for a pint, ladylikeness be damned. And he shows me his tattoos. One of an octopus. And one of a Velociraptor. Hmm. I’m a bit of a tattoo snob and he got so embarrassed by them at first I assumed it was a girl’s name and my opinion lowered significantly. I’m still unsure how I feel about the various animals…

    I find myself having a very nice time. He’s even let me buy a round (having money spent on me makes me uncomfortable, I’m just a ball of awkward) and maybe it’s the alcohol and the sunny day but I feel like I like him.

    We go back to the first bar we were in (this is turning into a very extended date, but he has a footy match to go to at six so I’m not too worried about getting trapped here all night. I’m a firm believer that you can have too much of a good thing) and there’s some moments of comfortable silence where he looks at me awkwardly and at first I’m wondering if I have something on my face. Then I realise he’s trying to bolster up the courage to kiss me. The bars getting crowded now and I am not a fan of pda’s so I’m keen to not acknowledge it. Before he knows it (he tells me multiple times) it’s time to head to the station.

    He asks me out again (!!) and in that moment I can’t see why not, so we simultaneously go for it and kiss. It’s ok, but I can feel the eyes of commuters on us, so I give him a quick peck and make tracks. I’m on a high from how well this has gone, and how lucky I’ve been for a first date. He’s text me by the time I was on my train, but only to ask if I’d got on ok because it was fairly busy, which I accept. I am very smug.

    Pointed moments of awkwardness: on our way to the museum a lovely Manchester resident approaches us, knuckle touches us in turn, and proceeds to ask us for money. He’s squaring up to K a little bit and I DO NOT want this to turn into an incident so I rebuff him nicely and shove K along. Thankfully we get no retaliation. Phew.

    During our second visit to the bar after a few drinks he seems keen to put the world to rights. Unfortunately I do not want to discuss the topic of euthanasia, which I tell him gently, but I’m still a bit freaked out and can’t meet his eyes for a few minutes. I’ve dismissed it as nerves and drink. But still. Weird topic to bring up.

    There’s a fly in the dive bar we go to. It’s annoying me and I’m wafting my hand around as I speak, trying to tell it to piss off without getting angry. He says: ‘I would kill that for you, but you know. I’m a vegetarian…’ I respect people’s views and lifestyle choices but the only thing I thought was how is he going to handle me eating a bacon butty in front of him if he doesn’t agree with killing flies!? Hmmm… 

    — 2 years ago
    #dating  #foreveralone  #personal 
    2. friends are…indifferent?

    I’m now going through the process of telling my close friends what I’m getting up to.

    I’ve not been picky with who I’m messaging unless they attempt to ‘hit me up’ by calling me ‘rudegurl’ or they’re the same age as my dad, or are, as mentioned previously, grossly pervy. And so I’m keeping up with quite a few gentlemen and their lives. However, there are two that particularly stand out in terms of being funny, intelligent and genuinely seem interested in what I have to say. Or at least doing a very good job of pretending to be.

    But now these dates are coming up I’m starting to think about the fact that no matter how well I think I know these guys, anyone can be charming and seem pretty sane via text message. The only person I have told so far is my mother. And she lives around forty minutes away. I don’t fancy meeting up with one of these guys, it turning out they are absolute creeps, and having no back up and nowhere to run. Not even going to mention the fact that something unspeakable can happen.

    So my official first rule of all this business is; always tell someone where you’re going.

    I told my mate D in a rush of embarrassment whilst trying to justify my actions as ‘I’m bored!.’ And after her initial ‘wooww’ she has been quite fascinated by the whole process, and has been Facebook perving them whenever they’ve added me.  

    In a stroke of luck my coursemate has publically been discussing her usage of dating sites and tagging herself and a certain male into dating venues (bit risky if you ask me) so this was a starting topic with my other bezzie, M.

    ‘Oh, I understand why older people do it.’

    Hmmm.

    I’m a bit of an awkward bitch so I decided this precise moment to announce that I had taken up internet dating as a hobby.

    She backtracked after that. Haha.

    So now I’m effectively ‘out’ and raring to go. Come at me bois. 

    — 2 years ago
    #personal  #dating  #foreveralone  #pals 
    3. in which i am nervous.

    Going on a date with K tomorrow. Nervous. Very nervous. He seems very nice and polite and, normal? And shaggy haired and tall. And wears shirts. Exactly my type!

    Because it’s my first experience of this sort of thing I really don’t think I can handle a rejection. I’m not naive and I know that this online business is going to be pretty cut throat but I know my own mind; if this doesn’t go well I’ll just put it down to a failure and will probably give up on it.

    So I’ve just dyed my hair, i’m wearing my favourite dress of the minute and bought a few ciders for me to chill with beforehand. I’m a lot more charming when I’ve had a few.

    I am meeting him at 1pm though, don’t know if it’s socially acceptable for me to drink beforehand. Oh well!

    Wish me luck guysss. 

    — 2 years ago
    #dating  #england  #foreveralone  #personal 
    1. in which i take the plunge.

    So, as part of taking control of my life I’ve decided to try internet dating.

    I always promised myself that if I hit 30 and I’m, sometimes it seems inevitably, still single, I’d sign up. But after waking up one too many times with a horrible sick feeling at my empty bed, and some encouragement from friends, I went through the awkward process of setting up my own profile.

    I’m still not really sure what I’m supposed to write in those blank boxes but I’ve been told since I seem ‘genuine’ and ‘down to earth’, but then again there are a lot of absolute creeps on these sites, as I suspected, and as I found out, as you will hear about in due course.

    Saying that, my flatmate has met a nice gentleman and her long term boyfriend through said popular dating site and a course mate has had some enjoyable encounters through the same thing.

    I’ve had some genuinely filthy messages. I don’t think I can even repeat what I’ve read without blushing furiously, I just instantly delete them. Shiver. Gag. Sigh.

    It is a weird situation. But I’m refusing to be ashamed about it, or consider the fact that there is something drastically wrong with me anymore. The whole of our lives are conducted by technology now, so why there is still a stigma about using it to date completely baffles me. 

    — 2 years ago with 1 note
    #single  #dating  #UK  #foreveralone  #personal